To Demi or not Demi

As a person that pretty much gives anything a go and will always encourage others to push themselves further there are times when I come up against something that makes me feel uncomfortable and nervous. Most of the time I am good at just pushing my fears to one side and thinking: ‘This will only be painful for a few minutes and then it will be OK”, things like walking into a room of people I don’t know, driving a big massive van for the first time or public speaking.

This hasn’t always been the case for me. I was an anxious child and teen. As a child I used to worry about everything, to the point it would make me physically sick. I didn’t like travelling, I would get really nervous when we had to go on a long journey anywhere and wouldn’t sleep the night before. Worrying that something bad would happen along the way.

Moving into my teens and early twenties the anxiety was mainly caused by anything that would make me stand out, public speaking was a no go area and practical exams such as French orals, music exams and my driving test would tip me over the edge.

I was telling my partner the other day that when I started doing deliveries for the coffee shop that I used to manage, I would have massive waves of panic about driving my bosses car and finding the places that I needed to deliver the sandwiches to. It would keep me awake all night just worrying about what might go wrong.

For many of you that know me or have been along to Fe-line events you will know that I have come a long way since those days and I have worked hard on my anxiety. Basically I got sick of how deliberating it was, I wouldn’t do a lot of things because I knew it would make me anxious and it also stopped me getting things that I really wanted.

So I made a change and this blog isn’t about that change, although as I write this, I realise there is another story here! Nowadays I am making up for lost time and don’t like to not do things due to nerves but the thing that did actually rattle me this week was I got offered to do a Demi Moore style pregnancy photoshoot.

‘ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH’ is basically how I felt when I read it, ‘Naked, me? In front of someone that isn’t Mr. E, ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” was going through my head. And then laughing to myself about the word ‘naked’ in a very grown up fashion. Someone had asked earlier in my pregnancy if this was something that I would do and I said “No way.” But now it has been offered to me as a gift and I am considering the prospect.

It brings not only issues of anxiety but issues of body confidence and the thought of doing it actually makes the hairs of my skin stand on end. BUT if this was someone else, I would say: “But what is the worst that can happen? Look at the positives instead.” For me these are:

• Celebration of the amazing thing that is happening to my body and the lovely little life I am creating.
• An amazing experience that will hopefully help improve my body confidence, rather than hinder.
• It is an amazing generous present from a friend.

So will I or will I not do a Demi? Well the signs are looking good, but sharing them with you lot on the internet, starts a whole other debate!

I would love to know if you have ever posed nude during pregnancy or not and how you felt about it? Drop me a comment below.

Love and exciting new things,