The 10 lessons I learned from Caitlin Moran

As I sat in Vicar Street theatre surrounded by a sea of women and a smattering of men, butterflies danced the tango in my stomach. From the moment I first read How to be a Woman I adored Caitlin Moran. She was everything I wanted to be: a cool, quirky, kick-ass feminist with amazing hair. When she took to the stage my eyes filled with tears – what can I say, I am a little ball of emotion. During her time on stage she spoke openly about a range of subjects, from her abortion to masturbating over Benedict Cumberbatch. The most memorable part of the show (apart from getting to meet her in person, hug her and have her compliment my hair, tattoos and makeup – I had to elbow that in there somehow) was when she instructed us all to stand on a chair and shout “I am a feminist”. If you’ve never done it before, you must it’s very liberating! It’s funny, a few years ago I would have struggled to identify as a feminist and yet here I was standing on a chair shouting it for the world to hear, all because of Caitlin Moran. Over my years of avidly reading her articles, interviews and books I realise that the importance of identifying as a feminist isn’t the only lesson she has taught me. So here I present to you some of the lessons I have learned from Caitlin Moran.
 

1. Sexism isn’t as obvious as it used to be.

Modern sexism is quite cunning and so people can get away with it because you’re not quite sure if they are being sexist, being stupid or if you just don’t have a sense of humour. Caitlin puts it brilliantly: instead of thinking about it as sexism think about it in terms of politeness. Instead of calling people out for being sexist twonks let them know you found that comment quite rude. The bottom line is someone will argue that they were not being sexist or that you were being “oversensitive” but it’s hard to argue against bad manners. So let’s all work on being a little nicer and much more polite to each other.

2. Our cultural mindset has become so warped we spend far too much time and money worrying about body hair.

I remember teaching a sex ed program to a group of teenage boys and part of the program involved showing them pictures of some STDs. All of the boys freaked out and recoiled in horror  at one particular picture. Not because of the symptom of the infection but because they had never seen a vagina with hair on it and they had no idea what they were looking at! I’m not saying hair removal is evil, instead just think about your motivations for it. Do you do it because it makes you feel better or because you feel like it’s expected?

3. You can enjoy porn and still be a feminist.

Caitlin speaks openly about watching amateur porn and enjoying it. Porn isn’t bad, but the industry right now is sexist and gives unrealistic expectations in relationships, the role of women and what they should look like.

4. Your period is not a dirty shameful secret.

Growing up, I lived in a household where everything was open for discussion. However, my friends were forced to hide all elements of their bodily functions from male members of the family. I’m not sure why they never struck me as being of a nervous disposition. I’m not saying I’m gonna go full on “free flow” embracing my period but I’m certainly not going to whisper about it in hushed tones for fear of upsetting the men folk with non-sex related vagina talk. Or worse still because that is not how ladies should behave.

5. The perfect shape is “human shaped”.

Are you human shaped? Congratulations you have the perfect shape. Fat is not the worst thing you can be and anything that means you feel pressured to torture and deprive your body is bollocks.

6. If the boys don’t have to do it then some sexist bullshit is afoot.

Has the government laws that dictate what happens with a mans testicles? Do men fear walking alone at night? Is there an assumption that a man will change his surname when he gets married? You get the picture.

7. Be proud of your roots.

Caitlin speaks openly about coming from a working class family and how she will always identify as working class. When people become educated and/or successful they are adopted by the middle class. Which by default means that there will be no aspirational figures or voices for the working class. I was always secretly ashamed of being from a lower class family because those were the messages I received externally. There was no pride to be gained from being from a separated single parent family. However, now thanks to Caitlin I embrace my past and happily declare that I am working class and will never be anything else.

8. Children are your choice.

You are no better or worse than anyone else because you choose to have them or not. You have an inherent worth already, you do not need to have a child to become a complete woman. If you do choose to have a baby it is just that, your choice, go for it if it is what you want – I hear it’s incredibly fulfilling. But you are not a child hating monster if you do not want one of your own.

9. Abortion is also your choice.

If you think that you won’t be able to love a child the way they should be loved, and if you can’t give them the physical, social, financial and emotional support they need then you can choose not to have the baby. Or if you are just not ready or whatever reason you have then you do not have to have a baby. And you don’t have to feel guilty about it, either.

10. Being a feminist does not translate to being a man-hater.

We don’t want to overthrow the men and rule the world, we just want our share. We don’t want them to go away, we just want to work alongside them with the same opportunities and benefits. Is that too much to ask?

I  hope you enjoyed this post and that it has  inspired you to read Caitlin Moran’s books. If/ when you do, I would love to hear all about it!

 

 

 

Fe-line Paws of Approval – August

As we’re nearing the end of August, it’s time for a little update from the Top Cats at Fe-line! We’ve been busy planning events for the rest of 2014 and looking ahead already to 2015, and if you can’t make it to any of our meet-ups then you can still hang out with us online: we’re on Twitter with our #felinehour every Tuesday evening from 8-9pm. Here’s what we’ve been enjoying, thinking about, talking about and wearing at Fe-line HQ this month:

Anaïs

I don’t have a very tangible paw to give away this month, but my Fe-line Paw of Approval has to be given to housemates. I’ve been house-hopping between friends’ homes over the summer and have rediscovered my long lost love for coming home to a gaggle of girls! I made some of my best friends when flat-sharing at university but then went on to lodge with an older couple,  live with only one lovely friend, and then move in with my boyfriend. Over the last few weeks I’ve been reminded of just how much fun it can be living with mates: we’ve cooked for each other, watched TV and films together and socialised with each other’s friends. Even though my boyfriend and I do all those things all the time, having some female friends to share the evenings with seems to make these activities like more of an occasion. I’ve loved hanging out with a girl gang more than usual, and it’s made me really appreciate and miss other friends who I don’t get to spend this kind of quality time with. So, that’s why I want to put a paw up for house sharing friends across the lands!

Debs

This month, my Paw of Approval goes to the makers of my favourite dress: Eucalyptus. I’ve owned various Eucalyptus items over the years and, whatever size I’ve been, I’ve always found that their clothes have that all important flattering cut. They are my go-to brand for lovely, floaty, pretty clothing – their skirts have acres of material that properly swishes when you spin, love it!

Eucalyptus is a London based company which was started in 2002 by a “girls only team of designers, determined to create individual, comfortable and feminine fashion with a good touch of quirkiness”. What could be better than that? For more info, you can visit their website: http://www.eucalyptusclothing.co.uk/ or, if you’re Oxford based, you can drop into the covered market where Fresh Clothing stock lots of their yummy clothes.

Jo

My Fe-line Paw of Approval has to be baby related this month. The Babe has learnt to crawl this month, started teething, had his first stomach bug, two colds, moved into his own room and then back into ours and there has been little time for much internet surfing or cool links collecting. My life has been a repetition of chasing after him, repeating “Don’t eat that”, administering nurofen, applying bonjela and fighting him to go into the pushchair/car seat. My quiet little baby has disappeared and has been replaced by a raucous little boy (I absolutely love it).

So I am giving my Paw of Approval to the Munchkin duck bath.  I went into Boots looking for a non slip mat for the bottom of the bath and this is what I came out with. (FYI this is not a picture of The Babe it is a promo shot of the product). I think the duck bath is the best £8.99 I have spent on a baby item, because not only does it make my life a lot easier, it makes bath time really safe but it is also so much fun. Munchkin products are great for this they make parents life easier but are also kid friendly and budget friendly. I don’t have to hold The Babe in the bath anymore and this saves my arms, he can happily sit in the duck and play with his toys and so he has the freedom that he loves, it’s win, win. The only thing I am asking is when they are going to make an adult one or a big one to go in the garden?

 

Rosie

My Fe-line Paw of Approval this month goes to Coco Wedding Venues. I am (sadly and happily!) not in the market for a wedding venue any more but this website is just sigh worthily beautiful. Coco was set up by Emma Hla at the beginning of this year and has gone from strength to strength, rapidly increasing it’s venue portfolio and being nominated for Best Designed Blog at the Wedding Blog Awards (you can vote for Coco here!) The idea behind the website is to bring together a style focused directory of beautiful wedding venues which are all helpfully categorised by Coco’s Wedding Venue Styles including Rustic Romance, City Chic and my favourite Bohemian Beats.

The Coco blog is also full of useful (and very pretty) information for brides and grooms to be, from unusual colour palettes to news on new venues and swoon worthy wedding suppliers to real love stories. The blog is a great wedding resource tastefully put together and lovingly narrated by Emma’s characterful writing. But more than that, it’s a great source of inspiration and incredibly uplifting, as looking at pretty things always is! So make a cuppa, sit back and indulge.