Golden nuggets: why I will no longer use the word hope

For me a golden nugget is a piece of advice or something very specific that I’ve learnt and I apply the phrase to events, reading, watching telly or socialising. A golden nugget can turn what seemed a waste of time into something really valuable.

Many of you are either self-employed or wear two hats and as such go to numerous networking events. And as you will know some are better than others. When an event turns out to be a bit of a waste of time I almost get heart palpitations, as I just want to be somewhere else. I look at my watch and work out how long I need to stay in order to, a, be polite and, b, to justify my journey time.

I was at an event recently in order to sell my books. The target market was spot on but their just wasn’t enough people coming through the door. The day dragged and I became increasingly frustrated. And then I received my golden nugget.

It was the use of the word ‘hope’ or ‘hopefully’.

I was talking to a hypnotherapist and I was raving about my experience last year where I was cured of my fear of heights through hypnotherapy. I’d had the treatment before a ski trip and it worked 100%. As I was about to go skiing again I said “I hope it works this time too”. The lovely lady immediately picked me up on using the word ‘hope’ and advised that it puts an element of doubt in your mind at a subconscious but very powerful level. She suggested I said out loud, there and then “it will work this time”. I felt instantly different, less anxious and more excited about the forthcoming holiday and my confidence soared.

After this enlightening moment I became very conscious of when I used the word and have since tried to eradicate it from my language altogether. When I was growing up I associated the words ‘hope’, ‘hopefully’, ‘hopefulness’ with goodliness. People would use it when trying to be modest, cautious, kind (“hope you get well soon” for example) or unsure of themselves. The words for me also have a religious connotation. I’m not religious but have always enjoyed the hymn Lord of all Hopefulness so to remove the word from my language seemed quite a bold move.

It’s interesting that dictionary defines the word so positively and that the opposite is despair. Wikpedia says “Hope is the state which promotes the desire of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one’s life or in the world at large” Can this little word really be doing so much harm?

My view is yes – it seeps negativity into our subconscious, it’s almost a get out clause for our daily life. So from now on I say “I will” not “I hope to”.

I’ve become conscious of others using the word. I hear it in news items, government speeches and just listening to others. I don’t go around correcting everyone but I do recommend you try it, it’s empowering. And it’s my golden nugget to you today!

 

 

Who are your role models?

I was the first of my family and friends to have a baby, first to have a second baby, first to get married, first to get divorced, first to shoot up the career ladder, first to be made redundant and certainly the first to face the challenges of parenting teenagers. I got used to getting my head down and getting on with it in my own way. I got used to discussing decisions with friends rather than dilemmas.

Looking back this made me very self sufficient and independent but I missed out on the advice and experience others could provide. Particularly since I began networking, nearly four years ago, I’ve started to step back a little and listen and observe others much more. This year I’ve decided to be even more purposeful; 2014 is my year of the ‘Role Model’ (not horse!).

One of my role models is Diane von Furstenberg. I make a beeline for articles about her. She says ‘never be the victim’; this is something she was taught by her mother, a survivor of the holocaust. Yes bad things happen but don’t play the victim, be the survivor. She also says: “Dare to be you and you’ll never disappoint yourself” which I find rather embolding.

There are many other attributes about Diane that I admire, her business success, her tenacity, resilience and glamour. But she is not really accessible to me so how much am I benefiting from her as a role model? There are people closer to home that I could learn from for specific aspects of my life. So to kick start my Year of the Role Model I’ve made the list below:

• Business growth
• Parenting
• Learning and developing new skills
• Adaptability
• Fashion and style
• Writing
• Multi tasking – balancing all the things I want to do
• Managing long term finances
• Personal fitness

These are all the aspects of my life where learning from others will be beneficial. I then wrote the name of someone I admire who’s behaviour and views would assist me in that area. I also wrote down personality traits that I admire in the identified role models.

So far over the last month I have been consciously thinking about that person and how they would deal with certain situations.

When I had the benefit of being with the particular person I found that I listened more attentively to what they said, I asked more questions and was more open to consider other views.

As you may have guessed some of my role models are Fe-line bloggers and by writing my list of role models, I’m now seeking out their blogs and posts.

In some categories I have more than one role model and in some areas I’m a bit lacking. This has made me focus on actively identifying someone close to home that can fit the role. They don’t have to know about it, although I hope they would be flattered.

I will be continuing my project but here are the benefits to me so far:

• Being more prepared to say no
• Being brave about business decisions but having a very clear deliverable and when it’s not working changing the strategy
• Doing what makes me happy and being more chilled about it
• Being generous whilst not overcommitting myself

Love and role models,