Why I love working with my husband

Every day feels like a Friday. This is the best thing about working with my husband. It’s not that we’re down the pub everyday and knocking off early all the time it’s just that my working situation is relaxed. We’re busy but there’s no office environment pressure.

I’ve worked with Eddie for 4 years in our family business, PH Energy Services which has been running for 8 years. People often ask what it’s like to work with your husband. Eddie and I sit side by side in a small office. We don’t have to travel very much for work so we are together a lot. Although I have my ups and downs I love it.

There are some fundamental things that make our working relationship successful, the main one being that we have the same knowledge about the industry we work in, so we can share ideas; help each other with problems and we respect each other’s expertise. The worst thing for me is Eddie being too quick to help when all I’m doing is sounding off and having a rant; and for Eddie it’s my mood swings!

But there’s no definitive set of rules to making it work.

The number of people registering as self employed is growing year on year and businesses run by couples are probably forming an interesting part of this growth. So for a Fe-line guide to working with your loved one, I have gathered some top tips from some great couples who work together.

Jo Woodcock our Fe-line founder has worked with partner Ed for a year with their business The Wandering Kitchen.

Here are her top 3 tips to working with your partner:

1. Be clear about when is work time and when is home life time, make sure that you can switch off and be a couple as well as business partners.
2. Treat each other as business partners when at work, do not bring in personal arguments or home life issues into the work place.
3. Have clear roles and play to your strengths. I look after the marketing, admin and front of house and Ed looks after the kitchen and food. If we start treading on each others toes it doesn’t work as well.

Jo says “It can be a challenge, particularly juggling a new baby and a new business. We try to switch off at home but it’s easy to continue in work mode when you’re both buzzing with ideas.

“We’re also learning to manage expectations: we have different ways of doing things so it’s important to detach personal feelings. It can be amazing though, I see so much more of Ed than before. We have built something truly wonderful together and it is great to see our hard work paying off. Running Fe-line for two years has been great but also quite a solo affair, I like having someone to work ideas through with as it seems that two heads really are better than one!!”

Lorna Kennard and partner Rachel Wall set up Sitting Well 4 years ago but have worked together as business partners for many years.

Lorna’s top tips are:

1. Initially sit down and determine what it is you want as a vision for the business, and how it will affect the rest of your lives. It’s important to be sure you are both aiming for the same goal and to keep checking in on this from time to time.
2. Establish each other’s strengths so you can complement each other.
3. Communication is key – make time to have catch up meetings, this makes goal setting easier and ensures you are both heading in the same direction. Rachael and I communicate very differently, so we have discovered. We now check we have understood what we are saying and move on from there. As such we are able to nip things in the bud without it leading to massive confusion or worse!

Lorna explains: “We have had to set boundaries for our office hours, running a clinic means we are often working late, so we can go along time without having that much needed time together. It took a while to get the balance right and we found that we often worked over the weekend or even on holiday, but now we have Monday mornings home together to plan the week ahead and spend time ‘on’ not ‘in’ the business.

Lorna goes on to say there are many fabulous things about working with her partner

“We love to be around each other and we are very fortunate that we have the same goals and ambitions. To be able to work together for the same vision and support each other is special. We are creating our own future doing something that we love. The fact we work together and in the same industry means we understand the demands of being a therapist and can support each other with those challenges.”

In conclusion I would say the critical elements to working with your partner are the same elements that make your relationship work anyway: communication, trust, respect, and playing to your strengths, oh and enjoying each other’s company. So if you’re thinking about setting up in business check your relationship first and if it ticks the boxes you’re going to be able to ride the road to creating your own future together.

 

 

 

The power of the pen

“If you’re experiencing bullying in the work place write down what is happening to you and how it makes you feel. It will help you to see what’s going on and to clarify it and also help if and when you seek help from others.”

This was the advice I gave in a recent talk about confidence. It was nice to see this advice also given by The Sunday Times in an article about a Mindful Marriage where they advised to write down exactly how you felt about something, what had occurred and how it made you feel. They suggested this instead of ranting at your partner or at the other end of the spectrum, bottling up how you feel.

The next day I was listening to Nigel Evans, the MP recently cleared of sex offences, being interviewed by Jeremy Vine. He spoke about how he started to make a journal of events early on in the judiciary process. As he describes what was a living hell, writing things down helped him remain calm and face the day ahead and provide some clarity to a confusing and bewildering process.

So it seems that the pen has a considerable amount of power but it’s hard sometimes to sit down and write about how we feel when we are overwrought with emotion. Overwrought with emotion was exactly how I was feeling about a recent loss of a good friend. I was feeling confused and angry as well as so very sad. I decided to practice what I preach and put pen to paper. It definitely helped, giving me a better understanding of the huge amount of different emotions I was feeling. It was difficult at first because of the confusion in my head but once I got going the pen worked it’s magic.

Now, since writing the words above I’ve had one of my ‘worrying thoughts’ nights. This is where I wake up in the middle of the night and fret over something, usually relatively minor, but non the less, really very disturbing. I can’t go back to sleep and the thoughts keep going around in my head. Usually things that make me want to crawl into a cave and hind. For example events where I feel I’ve bitten off more than I can chew or issues with relationships where I think I’ve screwed up.

The last time this happened I woke up with my heart racing and a pretty big sweat on. I thought I was going mad and this particular time the worrying thoughts were over a charity lunch I had organised for the next day. I was busy beating myself to a pulp when I remembered my words for this blog. I grabbed my notebook and tucked myself up in our spare room with a herbal tea.

I wrote and wrote, anything, I just spilt out words and eventually the outpour became more positive. I began to step back and see things in perspective. My heart slowed and after and hour or so I began to feel calm. I crept back to bed and thankfully to sleep. The next day I raised £150 and had a really great lunch with 7 lovely friends. So what was I worrying about?

Try the power of the pen – it’s free therapy!

 

 

 

Image source: Flickr