All I want for Christmas is shoes

So I thought long and hard about my final Fe-line post for the year, and I thought about writing a story about the life changing year I’ve had having a baby and starting my new business, The Wandering Kitchen but as I thought about writing that post my nose crumpled up and I thought: ‘Yawn, your readers have heard all that before’. It has been a life changing year but now it just feels like Frankie and The Wandering Kitchen are life, which is a wonderful thing. It feels like the year of change is coming to a close and I am moving into a much more stable period of life and it is time to return to some normality around here.

So what is normality? Well it isn’t the last 12 months I can tell you that. I have thrown so much of myself in to becoming a mum and the business this year that I haven’t spent as much time on what was previously my normality; spending time with my friends, taking pictures of weird and wonderful things, traveling, eating out and fashion. So 2015 is all about reinstating these things in my life and I am starting with fashion.

If you read my article in The Very Festive Fe-line Gift Guide, (pages 4-7), you will know that I recently had a consultation with stylist Katy Dyer, you will also know that she worked out that my style personality was partly dramatic (think Katy Perry). This dramatic side of my personality yearns for all things flamboyant, animal print, sparkle, sequins. I am not 100% dramatic and therefore this side of my personality often comes out in a wild accessory or shoe. I have been doing a lot of shoe gazing recently Fe-liners and these are the ones I would like to find under my Christmas tree this year.

• A little bit of leopard print from Boden. How cool are these? They would go with trousers and skirts and I would probably wear them every day.  If animal print isn’t your thing, they also have them in glitter flavour!

• I can’t get away from the animal print, but if the boots above are a bit too much animal and heel, what about these beauties from Fat Face? Practical and stylish, what’s not to love?
  

 

• So I am going to break the bank a little bit with the next pair, but I couldn’t do a post about shoes without mentioning these Sophia Webster heels designed for J Crew. At £510 I will probably be getting myself two pairs.

 

• OK so maybe £510 is a little excessive and maybe I don’t have anywhere to wear the pair above, so here is how to do sparkle on budget and practically. Thank you New Look you never let us down in the shoe department.

Merry Christmas Fe-liners, may your festive footwear be fabulous,

The Year That Changed My Life

Fe-liners, on the 29th of November 2014 I turned 28. I have never been one for birthdays but this year is so very different. This year I celebrated a year that changed my life and toasted all the wonderful things that are to come for my 28th year. For now though I am going to tell you about all of the wonderful things that happened in my 27th year.

I became a Fe-line Blogger

I’m sure that by this stage that you all know my fe-line story. However it is such a crucial part of my story it deserves a mention. When the lovely Jo advertised that she was looking for writers I was initially very excited and thought it would be a wonderful opportunity. However very quickly I left my negative thoughts take over, you know the ones. “Everyone else would be much better at that than I would be” “What would I even have to write about” “It’s a UK based blog, I wouldn’t be relevant” “I’m just not very good at writing really so just stop all of this silly talk”. Then I got some positive feedback from a friend on my writing from my old blog “Lashes, Lace and Ink” and I just decided to give it a go. So I wrote a begging letter to the lovely Jo detailing why I would like to be part of Fe-line and all of the things I would like to write about.

Thankfully Jo and her team decided to take a chance on me. It was quite a risk for them because I was still quite an inexperienced writer. I was so excited about my first post and I had fully intended that it would be a wonderfully positive uplifting piece. However it coincided with one of the most stressful times of my life. My yet to be diagnosed Anxiety was in full swing and I could barely function. When I was incapable of anything else I decided to get my sh*t together and start writing, and that is where my first post “I suffer with my mental health” came from. That post saved me that day, it dragged me out of my anxious cloud and made me realise that if I could write I could do anything. Even when I lost the motivation to continue my own blog I never gave up on Fe-line.

Since starting with Fe-line I have grown in confidence and capability as a writer, I have gained the support and encouragement of an inspiring group of women from across the globe and I feel as if I really am part of something bigger. For that I am eternally grateful to Jo, the fe-line team and all of you wonderful people who read what I write and give me the opportunity to pursue my creative bliss.

I fell in love with my body

I am the worlds worst for New Years Resolutions! I am a marketers dream, every January I would decide that I was going to lose heaps of weight, become ultra fit and that all of my body niggles would disappear. However this process was always fraught with self-loathing and negativity, therefore it never worked. I would always feel horrendously worse about myself come February. In cases by the end of January.

In 2014 I decided I was going to change all of that and that I would dedicate all that time and energy to loving my body. I mean really loving it, no more negative self talk, no more indulging in negative media, no more body snark. It took a while to get into it, I won’t lie. I’ll tell you what though, it has been one of the single greatest decisions I have ever made. Changing how I felt about my body impacted on so many areas of my life I couldn’t believe it. I was suddenly braver, I walked taller, what I wore was different and I took up space because I deserved to. No more shrinking into corners because I felt I had to. I became so body positive I stripped off for a nude photo shoot with Boudoir Girls. That was a step of epic proportions because prior to that I would barely stand in for family photographs.

My own body positivity has even encouraged other women to embrace their own beautiful bodies, regardless of their size and shape. That’s what it’s all about really, loving yourself and spreading that love around. It’s amazing how much you can accomplish when you have all of that time you used to spend picking yourself apart, to dedicate to other pursuits.

I embraced all of the F words

Fat, Fierce, and Feminist!! That is now how I describe myself. Why? Because that is what I am! Initially calling myself fat came as a big surprise to a lot of people. They were so used to the word fat being used in a negative context and they immediately rushed to assure me I was not all of the things usually associated with being fat. Of course I wasn’t ugly, smelly, stupid, sexually unattractive or desperate. My favourites had to be “Oh you’re not fat, you’re curvy” or “You’re not fat, you’re beautiful”. While we’re on it curvy is just a new term for sexually acceptable fat. You can have big hips, a big ass or big breasts and that is very attractive, because the fat is in the “right” places. However I have fat all over, they aren’t curves, they are rolls, they are mine and I love them more than I ever have. I am beautiful just as I am my size, shape and weight are relevant. I am fat and I am beautiful, the two are not mutually exclusive.

Feminist was another label people struggled with. They could not understand why I would want to label myself such a thing. Why would I openly declare that I hated men and that I wanted to forego being feminine? Feminist is another term laden with misconception about it’s meaning. Consequently this inspired another Fe-line article, full of the misconceptions of what it means to be a feminist. After going to see Caitlin Moran live and meeting the lady herself it absolutely cemented for me, the importance of openly identifying as a feminist. I now wear my feminist badge with pride, quite literally due to Ms. Moran’s wonderful merchandise.

As a direct result of embracing both of these F words, I have become fierce, a force to be reckoned with. Why? because it takes a whole lot of ovaries to stand up to people and challenge their misconceptions. As a rule people don’t like change or challenge. That said it’s tough to argue that a tiny, purple, haired, smiley, articulate woman is anything other than what she says she is. That, my friends is the type of confidence I have developed over the last year. Prior to that I would have hid in a corner unable to express myself without going red in the face and they could have labelled me whatever they liked and I would have agreed.

I got braver with my look

Prior to embracing my body and generally becoming more confident, my clothing choices were very safe and samey. My wardrobe consisted of many items in large sizes that would be baggy on me, so that nobody would see my body. There was an internal dialogue that if you couldn’t see the outline of my stomach, hips and thighs that they really weren’t as big as you think they might be. First off this is so very wrong because all over draping only made me look so much bigger. It also meant I had zero shape, I was lost in a sea of draped fabric, like an old piece of furniture hidden by many blankets so you couldn’t see what it was anymore.

On a shopping trip with my sister I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Forever 21 stocked plus sizes. Not only that but they fit me. So with the help of my beloved sister I invested in a wardrobe of fitted clothing in various colours and I have never been happier with my wardrobe. I’d be lying if I said I put on the fitted items at home and wore them without question. It did take some getting used to. Once I had convinced myself that I did look good, everything changed. I didn’t just wear my outfits, I rocked them. The power of positivity and confidence is a wonderful thing.

I embraced my mental health

This one can be a little bit of a sensitive issue for people. In Ireland the issue of mental health is not one easily discussed. There is an unspoken assumption that if you have an issue with your mental health you have to be minded. I don’t mean that in a positive way, people looking out for you, I mean that you are treated differently because there is an element of fear around it.

I consider myself to be a very capable, strong woman and the idea that people would see me as any less capable really bothered me. It’s why I refused to acknowledge that I wasn’t ok for so long. I let all of it build up inside me and took actions to make life as comfortable as possible for myself without challenging the situation. I would only go shopping at certain times to avoid crowds if there were crowds when I got there it impacted. I would become panicked and start to show physical signs of panic and stress. That’s what it came down to. I couldn’t cope physically or mentally with the stress anymore. So I got help. It wasn’t easy but I did it. Not only that but I started to talk more about what it was that was “wrong” with me. That way it becomes normal for me and for those I meet. Sure I have Anxiety but I have a quick wit, I have a creative streak, I’m a complete softie. None of these things defines me any more or less than the other.

Speaking openly about my mental health has lead many people I know discussing their own issues too. People I would never have suspected had any issue of any description. That’s one of the problems I guess, we just don’t talk about it so we can’t recognise it, we don’t know how to react to it, we don’t know how to treat the person with it. It’s all really new and the only times we do hear about it is when the very worst happens, someone has a breakdown or they commit suicide. To the best of my knowledge nobody has said anything negative to me about my “coming out” nobody has treated me any differently and if anything I am more capable now than I was because I am more aware of my issue and triggers.

I invested in myself

Another first for me in my year of positivity was investing in myself. Self belief is all well and food but I decided it was high time to put my money where my mouth is, quite literally. I decided to invest in my own talent, skill and ability and start my very own website. Since starting Rebelle-ution I have had a world of people contacting me for business opportunities and to share their stories of positivity and how the site has helped them. As a result of all this wonderfulness I have gained a bravery and confidence in my writing that I might not have otherwise. All in all it was worth every penny!

I guess the title may seem a bit far fetched given the stories and encounters I’ve just told you about. I honestly do believe it saved my life, not that I was in danger of losing my life, instead I have made a decision to actively participate and engage in my own life rather than passively existing. I’ve completely turned my life around, improved my mental health and opportunities by simply making choices. Was it easy, absolutely not, was it worth it, hell yeah it was. In case you were wondering I fully intend on making my 28th year my best yet, just watch this space.

 
 
 
 

Female Fronted Comedy

I was recently watching Drifters, a Channel 4 show about a trio of twenty-something girls, when one of the characters said, “women are having their moment”. As much as I disagree with this statement, in that women shouldn’t have a “moment” but instead have just as much credibility on (and off) screen as men at all times not just for “moments”, the statement did get me thinking about a few of the great female fronted comedy shows around at the moment.

Some Girls

Being a BBC 3 comedy series about the trials and tribulations of teenage girls in London, I question whether I am the target market for Some Girls, but enjoy it nonetheless. Although, like in a lot of comedy, the characters have slightly formulaic personality types – the clever one (Saz), the hard one (Holly), the ditsy one (Amber) and then there’s the glue of the group (Viva). What makes the series so watchable is not so much the ridiculous situations the girls get into, but the way their characters are quite well fleshed out so you can feel sympathy for them and also even dislike them. Saz is really quite hard on her friends, Viva is really quite frustratingly constantly in denial: they don’t just feel like comical characters there for amusement, but real girls becoming women who aren’t always charming or beautiful but can also be angry or strong-minded.

Drifters

Bunny, Laura and Meg are three unemployable lasses in Leeds, trying to make the most of their twenties and consistently getting caught up in embarrassing situations. This is comedy that makes you cringe and laugh at the totally awkward and excruciating moments regularly experienced by the trio. The characters are all pretty shallow, their lives and relationships slightly devoid of meaning or significance, but it is pretty entertaining. The main character in the show is played by Jessica Knappett who writes the series and has co-written with two of the writers of The Inbetweeners, so that gives you the gist of the style of humour. Think female Inbetweeners in a quarter-life crisis.

Over on the other side of the Atlantic, a few American series are doing similar things. Two Broke Girls, slightly similar to Drifters, tells the story of a high-society woman who loses her money and for no clear reason a street-wise waitress in Brooklyn gives her refuge, from there friendship and a cupcake business blossoms. I would also really recommend GIRLS, more of a drama than a comedy series, is all about being a twenty-something millennial lady. Strangely enough for a popular TV series, the characters are more often annoying and horrible than they are sympathetic and you end up laughing at them more than with them. Lena Dunham must be playing with our masochistic tendencies.

Despite what Bunny says in Drifters, female-fronted British comedy isn’t exactly new – the crazy sketch series Smack the Pony, comedy duo French and Saunders and Absolutely Fabulous were all rip-roaringly successful in the 90s, but it feels more like the next generation of female comedy legends are being noticed – and I look forward to their legacy.

 

 

 

Will be 2015 be your year for a leap of faith?

About this time 3 years ago my eldest daughter, Caroline, went to live in Amsterdam. it was a leap in the dark, a real leap of faith. She had set herself the goal of living there for a minimum of 6 months. Despite many ups and downs and a 7 week stay in Seville she’s still living in Amsterdam.

Her Dutch is pretty fluent, she lives in a nice flat with her boyfriend, Arno, has two jobs and works as a make up artist whenever she can. On my last visit there last week I was chatting to the taxi driver about Caroline and he said  “you know your daughter’s Dutch now, she’s here to stay”.

I took the opportunity whilst there to interview Caroline for this blog as she is very Fe-line.

Why did you decide to leave the UK and go to live in Amsterdam?

At the time I was working in London, I found the tube very depressing. I looked at the people around me looking miserable and I felt I needed to get out, out of that zone altogether. I went to Amsterdam for a weekend break and didn’t want to leave, so four weeks later I came back to live.

What was the hardest thing in the early days?

Housing – finding the right house in the right neighbourhood with the right people is really hard. The landlords here are not very respectful of you and how personal somewhere to call home is. But it’s also one of the most interesting aspects about living here.

Why’s that?

You learn a lot about yourself when you live with people you don’t know. You also learn about other people’s mannerisms, characteristics, and cultures. You learn to compromise and lighten up.

What are your top tips for finding a place to live in a hurry?

• Planning is key but not always possible if you’re in a hurry.
• Try to meet the people you’re going to be living with before you sign any contracts.
• If you’re a graduate avoid living with students!
• Talk to everyone wherever you go, at the supermarket, when you’re out for a drink, anyone you are chatting to. Tell them you’re looking for a place to live and keep telling people. You just don’t know what might turn up.

How did you find a job?

I handed out CV’s where ever I went, shops, restaurants, anywhere and everywhere. I talked to lots of people and literally walked the streets. It took me about 24 hours to find my first job here. It wasn’t ideal but it meant that we could get out of the hostel and into rented accommodation as soon as possible.

Where do you work know?

My main job is at the Heineken restaurant in Leidseplein. It’s such a hard job. You’re dealing with people from all over the world and many of them are lacking in manners and think that waitresses are no better than shit on your shoe. I enjoy standing up for myself and have thrown people out before now for their bad manners.

The job has given me a lot of confidence because you’re at the sharp end every day. The work team is like family, you have to throw yourself into that or you may as well work somewhere else, you’re just not going to get on or enjoy it. We work hard but have a lot of fun too.

What’s’ been your biggest stroke of luck since moving to Amsterdam?

Meeting my boyfriend.

Awww does he know that?

I almost left Amsterdam to come back home. Things were really tough. I was sleeping on a friend’s sofa, I had a very large dog (that’s a long story!) to take care of and I was working all the hours. I was quite down. Then I met Arno, he’s lived in Amsterdam all his life but is half English and half Dutch. He’s shown me so much more to Amsterdam and my love for the city has developed further.

What’s your favorite thing about living in a foreign city?

I enjoy the language barrier. It makes you think about what you say and makes you precise about the language you use. There’s no room for laziness or a lot of fillers like “you know” and “I mean” it’s not understood so you have to cut it out.
Conversations then tend to be more interesting.

What do you miss most?

Your cooking Mum

You were never at home to enjoy it!

and Tom (Caroline’s eight year old brother). I miss seeing him grow up but I guess we appreciate each other more when we’re together. I also miss the smell of grass.

In Amsterdam?!

No mum, freshly cut grass that you mow – the smells of summer, you just don’t get them when you live in a city.

Do you think you’ll stay in Amsterdam?

I’d like to move somewhere else with Arno. I’d like to live in Paris for a while.

What are your ambitions?

I’m studying for and AMBOS make up artist degree and will graduate in January. I hope to work for Mac Cosmetics, that would be my dream job. After three years you can become part of their events team, if you make the grade. I would also like to be part of the Netherlands make up awards

 

I was with Caroline on 4 November – I just went for the day! And I’m back out there for a couple of days with Tom in December. I manage to visit about 4 times a year and Caroline comes over here about a similar amount so we see quite a bit of each other and our time together is very special. There’s always something to talk about!

 
 
 

Blogging every day

I set myself the goal of blogging every single day in November. The rationale? I find November quite dull, I wanted to exercise my writing and I needed photographic motivation – read big nudge – to ignore the shorter days and low access to daylight; what better way to work on any of the above than blogging every day? Precisely!

Once I decided I’d be blogging every day, I took a few minutes to consider my approach. I’ve come to think of blogging as a piece of writing and accompanying images, so this became my only rule – each post had to have at least one photo and at least one sentence (image captions excluded). Freedom was queen; freedom of topic, mood, word count, anything. And this is what really worked for me.

I realised on day one of the challenge that the only way I’d get through it was by sitting down and writing. Just writing whatever came to mind and forgetting all the rules for successful blogging and consistency and themes. In doing so, not only was I able to actually blog every day, but I also found a lost love for blogging and the reason why I started doing it in the first place.

You see, there was a time on my path where I forgot those reasons and focused too much on what the ‘rules’ were and what everyone else was doing. It seemed to me that everyone else was blogging about incredibly useful things that were informative and beautifully styled and useful, did I mention useful? Whilst I had no desire to emulate any of those people I admired – my voice was not at risk, yay! – I began feeling like I didn’t add to that conversation.

I now know for a fact that I don’t add to that conversation! And that’s ok. This was incredibly liberating and creativity-inducing! All of the sudden, being random – what I would honestly define my blogging as being – was awesome and interesting. I wanted to write again and select photos and just be myself.

Whilst all of the above really works for me from a personal blog point of view, when I started writing this post I thought to myself – what can the Fe-line community take from it? Well, in addition to all the amazing advice, food recommendations, Christmas shopping, fashion tips, and so on, to me this community is also one where we can be openly lost. By knowing other people are as lost as us on occasion and shake on their tracks every now and again, we know we’re not alone; more importantly, we also know we’ll be alright.

If you’re looking for a good way to get through the January blues, I would definitely recommend you take the blogging everyday challenge. You’ll be surprised with what you take from it!

Have a lovely and cosy Christmas!