My New Year’s resolution: start therapy

With Christmas over, the end of one year and the beginning of another, it is often a time when people have the opportunity to take stock and think about what they want out of life.

New Year resolutions may seem slightly cliché but still the tradition of reflecting and setting goals remains deeply ingrained in most of us.

So at this time of year, a lot of people will be looking for the best ways to make changes in their life. Some will decide to ‘just do it”, some will trail the internet for tips and read blogs, some will opt for self-help books while others will realise that they need someone qualified to help them reach their goal.

This realisation often happens when we’ve already tried the ‘just do it’ approach, read the tips and actually know what we need to do but somehow still can’t do it. And as these thoughts settle, we may start questioning our ability to change while all sorts of uncomfortable emotions bubble up to the surface – doubt, fear, disappointment, feeling angry with ourselves, sadness, to name a few.

But I would like to reassure you at this point. All the efforts you may have put into trying to make those changes are not wasted; on the contrary they have prepared you for the next step toward change.

If you’ve not YET been able to follow through with those changes it’s that there are some strong undercurrents which are preventing you to change. This is when the help of a professional is very beneficial.

Never thought I’d have therapy

You see there is still a stigma attached to having therapy. And yes, a sector of therapy is indeed for people who are very ill or who have suffered a great deal. However, therapy is helpful for a whole range of everyday problems: building confidence, reducing anxiety, improving relationships, dealing with the loss of a dear one, coping through a divorce and working towards a greater sense of fulfilment or improving our life generally.

I so often hear my clients say: “I never thought I’d have therapy!” Yet once they start, they begin to realise the value it brings to their life. It’s a time just for them, a place where nothing is expected of them, where no one demands anything from them. They have time to think, process their feelings, understand themselves more deeply, explore their potential, express their needs and hopes completely freely. They can feel supported through the difficult bits and encouraged to be more of who they are.

Therapy is a journey towards accepting who we are and feeling at peace with ourselves, feeling stronger inside so we can face the demands of life better and more independently, live more creatively while freeing ourselves from the negative ties of the past. Ultimately it’s about being more in control of ourselves and our life.

Personally I see therapy as an adventure, a quest for self-knowledge and self-empowerment. Something I deeply believe in.

Now what? How to choose a therapist

The first and most important thing is to find the right therapist… for you. You can work with the most experienced, the most qualified therapist around but if you don’t feel at ease with your therapist you will not get the results you desire. The relationship between the client and the therapist is crucial to the outcome. So here are some helpful tips for finding a therapist that’s right for you:

• Although qualifications are not everything, they are a good place to start. Check that the therapist is registered with a recognised industry body such as The Hypnotherapy Association, UKAHPP> or UKCP.
• As part of abiding to a certain code of conduct, therapists must be in clinical supervision. This means that each therapist has a supervisor who supports them and ensures their standard of practice. This benefits both the client and the therapist.
•  Once you have those practical things checked, you can start thinking about the therapeutic approach which you feel most attracted to. For this you can do some reading on the internet and also on individual therapists’ websites. I wouldn’t get too hung up about the approach though unless you have very strong feelings against or in favour of a particular clinical approach. As I said earlier it’s more about the relationship, the trust and the contact you can develop with your therapist.
•  Once you’ve settled on a particular therapist, you can call them and get a feel. Go with your intuition (even if you’ve been recommended a particular practitioner). Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel you can trust them? Do they seem competent to you?
• The first meeting is about getting to know each other. Sometimes it can take more than one session for you to know if you want to/can work with that particular therapist. If it doesn’t work out with the first person, don’t let that put you off. Learn from that first encounter and look for someone else.
• Once you’ve found your therapist, you’ve got to commit yourself to your therapy and trust the process. These are also key ingredients to the therapeutic recipe.

A final word

If you have been struggling with something in your life for a while, reach out. You are not alone and you do not have to live with it forever. Starting therapy can be a difficult decision to make and it can be daunting. I also appreciate that the financial commitment can be a concern… but… how much is your wellbeing worth?

 

 

 

(Read more about Svetlina on the Contributors page or visit her website, Blossom House)

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